I think my fart just growled at me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
