Define "chronic" masturbator.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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