you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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