There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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