youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
