can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
