____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
