They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
