if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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