i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize