Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
