Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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