I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
