please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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