If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
