You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
