Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
