I cannot find my penis.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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