Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
