Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
