all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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