You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
