Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
