My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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