can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
