I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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