I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
