I'm going to jail i love you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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