Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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