You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
