i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
