Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
