the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
