I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
