if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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