I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
