I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
