You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
