Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
