i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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