Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
