she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
