You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
