What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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