I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
