Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i jhust puked up my retainher.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
