matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
