New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
