Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
