apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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