Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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