It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
