I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
