I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize