stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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