Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
