i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
