My liver just broke up with me...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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